permission to speak freely?

I'm lonely.

2010-10-01T19:47:00.000-07:00

I'm just so fucking lonely.

It's weird to think that no one in the world knows what I'm doing right now, except for me. My friends are out of town and have no idea what I'm doing. My mom is one room away from me, and she has no idea what I'm doing. That makes me feel terribly alone.

I feel like I have nothing to look forward to.

2010-09-29T20:34:00.000-07:00

For once in my life, I'm glad no one reads this. I feel like he's forgotten about me. And I think she's realizing I'm not who she assumed I was. I don't feel anything anymore, besides angry, sad, and passionate. Occasionally lustful.

He just told me, "There's always a new day." Well, fuck that. Because new days just mean new ways for him to piss me off, new reasons for me to want to move to Washington and forget about him.

we are not long for this world...

2010-09-17T01:04:00.000-07:00

i was in your arms
smiling in my sleep
and a split second later
your back was to me-
long red scratches down the middle
i was still smiling
but awake

the scent of you lingered
in the curls that fell gently
on my blushing cheeks

we were covered by the sheet
surrounded by flowers and figurines
the headboard creaking lightly
when weight was shifted

you had to leave that morning
and for once
you did not object
you did not insist i come with you
instead you gathered your things
and got into the car...

that was when i knew.

part of me

2010-09-17T01:01:00.001-07:00

i am mostly relieved
but part of me is anxious
and unhappy

i wish i could tell you why
i feel this way,
but i cannot
i wish i could tell you that i lied
about last time
i wish i could cry while you hold me
and tell you
about last time
but i feel like you'd hate me
or at least part of me

i wish you were still
part of me.

belief

2010-06-04T00:58:00.001-07:00

should I believe you?
I don't know
I don't know

"I often repeat myself
and the second time's a lie
I love you
I love you
see what I mean I don't."

rush

2010-05-31T02:32:00.001-07:00

I love the rush of
trying to keep a secret
trying not to get caught
under the blankets
or as I walk down the stairs
and I hear your footsteps approach
my heart pounding in my ears
your arms grab my waist
I turn and we kiss
knowing there is not much time
knowing there is not much time

if I could kiss you forever
I would.

2010-03-24T22:29:00.001-07:00

you were such a little boy
and it was not even that long ago
but look at you now...
oh god
look at you now

growing up
grown up
gone.

hollow

2010-03-08T14:07:00.000-08:00

my arms are numb
voice unable to speak
eyes barely open
but that is okay
because i do not want to see
anyway
i do not want to be reminded
is this what it feels like?
i do not welcome it
but i accept it
is this what it feels like?
is this the way the world ends?
not with a bang
but a whimper.

2010-03-07T22:13:00.001-08:00

i don't know how to feel anymore.

ears

2010-02-25T19:08:00.001-08:00

i would listen
as they fought just down the hall
my face pressed against the rough carpet
tan against white
soft becoming calloused
feeling the cool air rush through
the crack under the door
and graze my soft, young ears
the ears of a child
these ears
my ears
heard words none ever should
from people who should never speak them
i remember how my mind would wander
as my hands grew numb
from propping my small body up
for such a long time
so long
that sometimes
i would fall asleep
and dream of a life
with much less yelling
and much more toys
i would gallop away
on my horse
which, in reality, was
the animal's head
attached to a stick
with a leather string
but in my mind
it was an escape
it was a way out
it was a friend
(i was 3 years old
and i already
wanted to escape)

sometimes
for reasons i do not know
for reasons that are out of my reach
i feel compelled to
lower myself to my bedroom floor
though i am miles away
from the home i grew up in
and miles away
from my childhood
i lay my face against the carpeted floor
tan against white
soft becoming calloused
once more
and feel the rush of
cool air
as my ears hear
absolute silence.

Seattle

2010-02-14T01:58:00.000-08:00

the rain
great literature
Bananagrams
discussions over cupcakes
(cupcakes in general)
Hemingway
(despite his sexism)
good theatre
blueberries
walking tours
overcoats
not using umbrellas
fundamental moods
gay men
Vagina Monologues
naptime
drinking from jars
"when i miss boys,
i call them."

i have already
begun to move out
of home
and move in
here
(at least
in my mind.)

technology

2010-02-12T00:49:00.001-08:00

i want to delete you
backspace
backspace
backspace
clean the hard drive
empty the trash bin
clear my memory
of every folder
file, document
that contains your name
or any similar word
minimizing the window
was not merely enough
because you were still
on my dashboard
ever present
so now i
control alt delete
then force quit
this application
this virus, rather
that has overtaken my
operating system
never again will you appear
in my recent items
or any folder
file or document

restart.

you bitch

2010-02-07T04:17:00.000-08:00

vile
lying
worthless
manipulative
bitch.

i hope
that you get everything you want
and i hope you are happy

then it all caves in
game over
you lose
just like that

know how i feel
know how my stomach turns
and my guts ache to spill
know feel live.

2010-01-30T11:42:00.000-08:00

it is so hard to concentrate on anything anymore. i can barely accomplish one task, let alone more than one. but i feel the need to multitask. i keep thinking, "oh hey, maybe i'll get more done this way."

(i never do.)

jaxx

2010-01-09T13:01:00.001-08:00

a part of me
wishes i told you
the real reason i cried
the other night-
because i was choking
on my words
and the things i felt
i hope god knows what i felt
because i sure do not

shoulda told you
woulda told you
coulda- but did not

i keep telling myself things are okay
i almost believe me
if you meant half the things you said
then things could be better
if i said half the things i meant
then things could be worse

lying to myself is getting old
but i think i am getting better at it
whereas i find it
increasingly hard
to lie to you
even about the most minute thing
such as why i had tears in my eyes
i wish i told you why

shoulda
woulda
coulda.

soul

2010-01-05T13:02:00.000-08:00

i do not know where my soul is
is it inside of me?
or is it lost in the world?
do i just have half of a whole
and need to search for the remainder?
or do i not have one at all
and was given life
as an opportunity
to grow one?

(untitled)

2010-01-02T13:01:00.000-08:00

the look he gave me
in the crowded garage
as smoke poured out of his mouth
pierced my soul

the circles he drew
ever so gently
with his fingers
on my lower back
are burned into my flesh

the raindrops that
rolled off his jacket
and landed softly
on the top of my head
melted my hair
and clung to my skull

and the way that he grabbed my hand
and laced his fingers with mine
our lives intertwining
made me realize
that love is nothing more
than a series of injuries
that may seem life-threatening
in that moment
but can be fixed by
minor reconstructive surgery
and lots of time.

things change

2009-11-12T19:42:00.000-08:00

suddenly it hit me
that things change
baby cousins grow up
friends who you used to talk to everyday
pass by without a word
sweethearts fall out of love
the grandparents who used to
bounce you on their knee while you giggled
and hug you until you could not breath-
those same grandparents get tired

and the dog your family has had
since you were a baby-
well it has arthritis
and can barely jump on the couch
let alone go play fetch in the park

speaking of which
the park is not there anymore
they knocked it down in the 7th grade
along with the church that we used to hang out in
you know, the old korean one?
they knocked that down too
and put in condos
that don't even match the neighborhood

things change
faster then you'd think
oh and by the way
welcome home.

theatre

2009-11-09T22:56:00.001-08:00

you feel so familiar to me
but i cannot say why
you feel like a reoccurring dream
although i do not know you
i feel like you are a part of me
though we have never met

i feel like you have loved me
in a previous life
and as your eyes met mine
your gaze piercing my soul
it was like you knew me better
than i know myself.

i like metaphors about breathing

2009-11-01T19:58:00.000-08:00

your grip was tight
so tight i could barely breathe
but i did not need to
because you were my oxygen

what they have

2009-10-21T22:56:00.000-07:00

though i know i should not
i envy what they have
the way he looks at her
with such love and longing
brings such a bitter smile to my face
and the way she caresses his arm
makes my cheeks red with an emotion i do not recognize
i am not jealous of him nor her
as i love them both dearly
but i am jealous of what they have:
a love that cannot be ignored
so complicated that it is unable to be understood
by an outside party
yet perfect enough to be appreciated
by any pair of eyes that is lucky enough to witness
the pure, unadulterated warmth that is present between them
their innocence is untouchable

and i am happy they found each other
but it just reminds me of how alone i am
in the back seat of this car
watching the landscape roll by
as i wait for some sort of sign from the heavens
telling me to keep believing that someday
i'll have what they have.

couch tree?

2009-10-21T20:58:00.001-07:00

i am willing sleep
daring it to shroud me in its warm blanket
as i stare at the pattern on the couch
which is striped
yellow green and brown
i wonder how it became that way?
and i am lost in thought

when suddenly i hear a crash
as a tree falls nearby
and the roots grow over humanity
obscure the community
envelop my house
its leaves begin to turn color
green red brown with the seasons
then dark with rot
the branches snap
and tumble to earth
screaming as they fall down
separated from the only thing they have ever known
screaming for their loss
and their lives
as the ground quickly approaches

i climb out my window
but where the world should be
there is only a fallen log
i rest my head
on the bark
but it is too coarse
for me to fall back asleep
so i climb over the overgrown roots
and rotting leaves
exploring the innards of the tree
which has broken open
with time and age
and inside the tree
i find a different world
full of life and color and peace
i start a new life
within that fallen tree
leaving behind everything i have ever known
much like the branches
except i do not scream

and then my eyes open
and my mind switches on
and i awake on the couch
in the middle of the night
with an ache in my stomach
and a pain in my throat
and clutched in my hand
a single dark leaf.

less than three

2009-10-21T20:57:00.000-07:00

you
oh, you
are just my speed
you are all i want
you could be all i need

untuck my heart
from inside my chest
and keep it with you
at all times, lest
you forget how much
i really care
or how i promise
to always be there

through the darkest of nights
to the brightest of days
my heart will be with you
to break up the haze

you have piqued my interest
and truth be told
you fascinate my mind
and intrigue my soul

i have messed up in the past
but that was then; this is now
something has clicked in my head
and i have no idea how
my fear of commitment
most often holds me down
but this is something different-
i want to stick around. :)

VCR

2009-10-21T18:53:00.001-07:00

press play
and see hear experience
life as it should it

do not press pause
because i do not want to slow down
i do not want to rewind
i will not fast forward
and i cannot change the channel

none of this 'stop' bullshit
i pray you press play
and let me go on
the way i should

and when this VHS is done
do not forget to rewind me
so i can bring old school joy
to the world.

lies

2009-10-21T18:52:00.001-07:00

just keep lying
and maybe one day
you will fool yourself
into believing
your own foolish stories

what a sad day that will be
when the human mind
learns to lie to itself
oh wait
that day has come and gone
and our lies flow like
oxygen through lungs.

city

2009-10-21T18:51:00.001-07:00

there was nothing i wanted more
in that exact moment
than to throw you down
and make sweet sweet love to you
right there on the
linoleum floor
for all to see

but people might have stared
and goodness knows
nobody wants that

and the sun has already set
the trees are dark blurs
our hearts beat as one
as our feet tap in time

...then i opened my mouth
and words came out
and honesty killed the moment
(like always)
but you just stared
and your lips were
on my cheek
my hair
my shoulder

suddenly it was your time
and then i was alone
with a smile tugging at my face
and a weight in my heart
i continued on with my life.

breathing

2009-10-17T22:10:00.000-07:00

oxygen is everywhere
but i do not breathe it
i inhale problems
rather than air

and i wish i exhaled
solutions
instead of carbon dioxide.

the name game

2009-10-15T20:41:00.001-07:00

what's in a name?
apparently
not much

we are called names
that do not belong to us
labels that society assigns
stereotypes
descriptions
he's and she's

the world is so impersonal
and bleak

but when you said my name
spoke those two syllables
with your deep voice
ever so sweet
"Haley"
i swear to the heavens
that i melted

such an intimate gesture
in a world where we
have replaced names
with pronouns
replaced friendships
with social networking sites
replaced love
with anything and everything but
in a mad rush
to fill the void
we all feel
in the darkest depths
of ourselves

by saying my name
you spoke a million other words
and phrases and clauses
and it was almost too much
for my weak heart to handle
but i held on
because all i wanted
was for you to keep saying my name
to breathe in
and to exhale the very essence of my soul

but in a society where names
are so easily forgotten
and pushed aside
and not cared about
who could understand how i feel
when you say my name
and who will care enough
to say my name
in the future
when you are no longer here?

living for myself

2009-10-14T17:04:00.000-07:00

day in day out
i am the same person

what changes
are the emotions
and reactions
of everyone around me

that is how i live my life:
based on how other people
will react and feel

maybe i should change that?

but i know i cannot deal with
making people unhappy
i would save the world
if i could
i like making people happy
i do not say no
i want to make the world smile

maybe i should change that?

should i pay more attention to my own needs?
because how can i expect myself
to save other people
if i cannot even
save myself

maybe i should change that.

traffic

2009-10-14T16:59:00.000-07:00

i'm learning that life
is a two-way street

my actions
thoughts
words
affect other people
just as theirs
affect me

i just wish there could be
a traffic update
every ten minutes
because then
i would crash
a whole lot less.

the opposite sex

2009-09-30T18:53:00.000-07:00

there is something about
the way they give in so easily
how their breath catches
in their throats
that makes my knees shake
my head ache and spin
my mouth feel like i have eaten
fifty cotton balls

something about feeling wanted
something about affirmation
something about a self-esteem problem

but do not think
even for one second
that i am troubled
or that i am in need of your help
i need no assistance
because i know just how to handle this
bad habit i call love

"take two and call me in the morning"
well how about i take however many i want
and never call you again
because frankly
that works out best for me.

'too'

2009-09-27T23:08:00.000-07:00

–adverb

1. extremely; very:
she wasn't too pleased.

2. to an excessive extent or degree; beyond what is desirable, fitting, or right:
too dumb to see.

3. more, as specified, than should be:
too much time has passed.

4. in addition; also; furthermore; moreover:
i love you, too.

la la lie

2009-09-23T22:17:00.000-07:00

guess what
i'm leaving you behind
with your puppy eyes
and stupid cliches
standing alone in the grass

so keep smiling
your sad smile
while i walk away

and the best part
of this whole thing
is that i will
see you tomorrow

same time
same place
same you
different me.

rainy days

2009-09-16T21:31:00.001-07:00

kiss me in the rain
let the droplets fall
and wash away
every trace of doubt
that my mind holds

this feeling is new
well not really
i have felt it before
but never with you

i can see our breath
in the cold air
separate lungs
breathing the same air
separate hearts
loving one another
separate hands
melting into one

the winter months
are almost upon us
so keep me warm when the rain falls
at least for a little while.

ghostbusters!

2009-09-14T21:18:00.000-07:00

the ghosts
of the past present
and future
guide my hands heart
and soul

i am haunted by these ghosts
and for a split second
his world revolved around me
little old me
but lately it has been so quiet
instead of the usual
nightmarishly
wonderful world
i am used to.

want vs. need

2009-09-14T21:10:00.000-07:00

we were both
taken by surprise
ever so sweet
ever so warm
always so passionate
hands on waist
arms around neck
lips quite engaged
want want want
need.

Goethe is turning in his grave...

2009-09-09T18:51:00.000-07:00

the lonely Faustian figure
walks the half-lit streets
of the city of sin
in the hours before the sun rises

he is numb to his surroundings
his loud, neon surroundings
except he can feel the bitter cold
burning every exposed part of him
especially his vulnerable soul
the world is covered in human grime
but he continues blindly
searching for knowledge and understanding
through hazy eyes

his feet carry him to unknown destinations
as he grows increasingly frustrated
with his lack of humanity
bumping into people
he continues on his journey

wrinkled men stand in their lines
posing as intermediaries between
the lonely Faustian figure
and the Devil herself
she goes by many names in this wicked town
but her likeness appears on 2 x 3 cards
that litter gutters and hotel rooms
(which are quite similar around here)

the lonely Faustian figure is still searching
for purpose
when he meets the duplicitous Mephista
the weak and confused man
being only human
exchanges his soul for
limitless knowledge
hoping he would then have a purpose
and all his problems would be resolved
as the Devil herself
smiles a wicked smile

wearing a mask of utter determination
the lonely Faustian figure
succumbs

"For on his forehead sits a fire;
He sets his forward countenance,
and leaps into the future chance,
submitting all things to desire."

phases of the moon

2009-09-08T22:29:00.000-07:00

on the coldest nights
i think of him
and his stupid green hoodie
that would keep me warm
on the coldest nights

on the warmest days
i can practically taste
the sweet sweet lemonade
we drank on her porch
on the warmest days

the blazing sun
reminds me of
summer camp
and his usually pink face
painted blue
running through the trees
without a care in the world
hiding with me in the
abandoned cabins
finding shade from
the blazing sun

the glowing moon
shines bright
in my glassy eyes
as i recall all the friendships
i never wanted to end
or change
but i suppose everything
goes through phases
much like
the glowing moon.

summer breeze

2009-09-03T22:28:00.000-07:00

i miss that summer breeze
oh, how i crave it
but my hands in your hair
make me forget
for a moment

for just a moment
because
as soon as the sun
sinks behind the mountains
in defeat
i too will hide
from the night
my newfound confidence
gone
much like your interest
in someone like me.

feel like Christmas

2009-09-02T17:21:00.001-07:00

it has been 6 months since
i last saw you
and you still know me
better than any being
in the universe

i miss your clammy hands
and awkward smiles
messy brown hair
your warm face
and when you laugh
my soul would light up
like a Christmas tree

you know that feeling on Christmas morning
when you run into the living room
and see all the presents
and colors
and food
and family
and everything is suddenly better
and amazing

it does not matter what month it is-
you make my soul feel like Christmas.

ass backwards

2009-09-02T17:07:00.001-07:00

you had too much to drink
i told you to put down the bottle
but you never will
i know you never will

you slurred your words
and stumbled along the sidewalk
as i led you by the hand
and inhaled the cold night air

it all felt so foreign
because you were always the one
who had to help me
but now i was your crutch

and though i should have been mad
i found your drunken stupidity cute
and your off-pitch singing
drowned out my thoughts

and i was able to walk
hand in hand
with you
my best friend

the whole situation was backwards
and i loved every second of it.

hazel

2009-08-28T02:59:00.000-07:00

it makes me sad
that i cannot remember
what color your eyes are
but i know you remember mine

i want to take you
and show you off to all my friends
go around saying
"look this is my best friend
my brother"
but i think you would probably
get embarrassed
so i will not parade you around
like you deserve to be

and by the way
your eyes are
hazel.

my writing lacks

2009-08-23T19:22:00.000-07:00

my words don't flow like they used to
despite my need to be heard, understood
like someone put a cork in my soul
shook it up
and now i am threatening to explode
but am i trying too hard
to sound like i don't try at all?
i feel as if what i have to say is not relevant, important
like i am too hard on myself
my vocabulary is too small
i have not read enough of the classics
i feel redundant
i feel redundant
i feel redundant

how am i supposed to write college essays?

glow-in-the-dark stars

2009-07-10T11:18:00.000-07:00

when did i become such a cynic?
it might have been before you
i cannot pinpoint the day
but you brought out the best
and the worst
of me

i have never seen myself like that before
eyes swollen
heart broken
makeup running down my face
i could barely get out of bed
but i knew i had to
or i would be consumed
by thoughts of you

and in the darkness
as i struggled to find comfort
in the bed we once laid in
my ceiling glowed
and kept me awake all night
and when i finally shut my eyes
the sight of green stars
was burnt into my memory
and lit up my dreams.

hope

2009-07-10T10:46:00.000-07:00

and i felt like such a child
as i pulled at my hair
and avoided your glance
by staring at my sad reflection
in the window
trying to ignore the words in my throat
and the knots in my stomach
as my very existence threatened
to spill out of me
much like the colorful explosions
in the sky
and in my heart

"memories fade
like looking through a fogged mirror
decisions to decisions are
made and not fought
but I thought
this wouldn't hurt a lot
i guess not."

italics

2009-07-02T23:11:00.000-07:00

i like writing in italics
to describe the past or the
thoughts running through my head
because it catches
people's eyes
and makes them pay attention

sometimes i think
a higher power
writes parts of my life
in italics
to make me pay attention
to certain things
or people
and your name is in italics
on my heart.

homesick

2009-04-15T23:19:00.000-07:00

when i awake each morning
and gaze out from behind sleepy eyes
i find myself surrounded by the smoothest down
a snoozing dog cuddled into my side
and the warm rays of the sun
falling softly upon my face

and i cannot help but think
of how right everything seems
how snug i feel in my bed
and how much i love the feeling
of being completely happy
for even a moment

and how i long for that feeling
right now

growing up

2009-04-05T15:08:00.000-07:00

as everyone around me is growing up
i'm growing tired of everyone around me

i have never felt more like a child
than i did when you explained what you did
and how you're a grown up now
because all i could think about
was how we would sit in the trees
and hold hands
and get ice cream all over our clothes
as the warm wind blew my hair in your face
during that long summer
that i long to return to

because i know they'll all pinch your cheeks
and say, "aww, look how grown up you are"
while you just laugh on the inside
because only you know how truly grown up you are
and while you silently laugh
i'll silently sit as my mind escapes
to a time when it was still okay for us to sing in public
and when the opposite sex had cooties
and we drank apple juice
and boys played kickball
while girls played with Barbies

i want independence
but i still want my mommy to hold me
i want self-sufficiency
but i still want my dad to tuck me in at night
i want to grow up
without ever actually having to grow up.

i am horrified

2009-01-08T17:52:00.001-08:00

i was in the car on my way home from school today, driving underneath a freeway overpass. there is always at least one homeless man as this particular spot when i drive by, holding a sign right on the sidewalk.

today, as we were pulling up to the light, a huge Lexus in front of us started to veer towards the homeless man. a hand came out the window, and the guy in the car was holding out some money for the homeless man to take. i immediately regretted leaving my wallet at home today, because i wanted to do the same: provide for someone less fortunate than myself. it's a completely selfless act, right?

well, just as the homeless man reached out to take the money, the guy in the car sped up, ran a red light, and got onto the freeway. he totally tricked the guy. fucking asshole.

i really lost faith in humanity in the 4 seconds it took for the Lexus ass to drive away. that's just a tiny fraction of everything that happens in other parts of the world. and it makes me feel so small.

i want to help, you know?

2008-11-12T21:05:00.000-08:00

"i hope that you are happy,"
i say quietly

and even with tears
staining my cheeks
i mean it more than
anything i've said lately.

jinxed

2008-11-07T22:44:00.000-08:00

my mom and her boyfriend are buying a house. they finally found one, put in an offer, yadda yadda yadda. they got the house.

essentially.

they came up with this theory, see, to avoid getting their hopes let down in case we don't actually get the house: they will not be truly happy about it until the keys are physically in their possession. because apparently, a lot can happen between the initial offer and moving day. and by a lot, i mean something that would result in us not getting the house.

this is an analogy for my love life. interpret that however you like.

my uncles

2008-11-05T23:07:00.001-08:00

i could never imagine life
without my beloved uncles

my mother's friends
since way back when
who still see me as
the three year old i once was

they would pick me up
spin me around
and i would giggle until i cried

now they ask me about school
threaten to beat up my guy friends
and make me giggle just like before

but just as they have watched me
grow up and mature
i watch them turn into men

they are getting married
buying houses
having babies
and settling down

they don't come around as often
as when i was a little kid
maybe three or four times a year now
but whenever i see them
they remind me that they will always be around
when i need them
no matter how far away
my uncles will be there
to make everything better
pick me up
spin me around
and make everything better.

scar tissue

2008-09-30T16:40:00.000-07:00

to this very day
there is a dull pain in my right ankle
from the time we went to the roller rink
two and a half years ago

i had lost my balance on the skates
and heard a sharp snap
as my body met the ground
you held me as i cried
just as you held my hand
as you helped me to the car

to this very day
there is a white scar on my left calf
from the time we rode went to that
abandoned church parking lot
with your brother and our friends
two years ago

we were singing at the top of our lungs
without a care in the world
when i bumped into my bike
and the kickstand cut open my leg
you rode home with me
to make sure i was okay

to this very day
there is a small tear in my heart
from the day you moved away
a year ago

you called me from the car
and we shot the breeze
but deep down we both knew
the pain we were feeling
was far worse than any
sprained ankle or cut leg
and i cried harder than before
but you were not here to hold me

i know that you're only one state away
but i will always have you with me
in my mind
in my heart
in my scar tissue.

take me with you

2008-09-30T16:33:00.000-07:00

from across the crowded room

you gazed at me

my heart sung out

and i swear you heard its song

but you turned and went away

from across the empty parking lot

you called my named

and i called back

but the ringing in my ears

was louder than your sweet voice

and you were suddenly lost in a sea

of pavement and backpacks

from across our bright cities

your hand reached for mine

and for a split second

we were meant to be

but a moment later you were

gone from me again

as my hand slipped away

and your grip loosened

the universe likes to prove

that you and i should have never met

but i firmly believe that

if you were never in my life

i would miss you anyway.

awkward

2008-09-11T19:47:00.001-07:00

well you are just a whole bucket of
awkwardness.
you open your mouth

and
awkward
just
pours
out
like
a
faucet
or
some
high-tech
irrigation
system
that
has a really big
crack
in the side
and it's
leaking

everywhere.

uncontrollably.

three long years

2008-09-11T19:33:00.000-07:00

have you ever felt like this?

like you have so many thoughts in your head

you may just explode?

imagine

bottling them up

for three, long years.

the tears would finally spill out

the unsaid words would say themselves

my heart would rip out itself of my chest

and three, long years

of silence

would scream at you

from across the empty streets

and parking lots

the distance is in your head

because you've been sitting

right here

next to me

for three, long years.