I'm lonely.

I'm just so fucking lonely.

It's weird to think that no one in the world knows what I'm doing right now, except for me. My friends are out of town and have no idea what I'm doing. My mom is one room away from me, and she has no idea what I'm doing. That makes me feel terribly alone.

I feel like I have nothing to look forward to.

For once in my life, I'm glad no one reads this. I feel like he's forgotten about me. And I think she's realizing I'm not who she assumed I was. I don't feel anything anymore, besides angry, sad, and passionate. Occasionally lustful.

He just told me, "There's always a new day." Well, fuck that. Because new days just mean new ways for him to piss me off, new reasons for me to want to move to Washington and forget about him.

we are not long for this world...

i was in your arms
smiling in my sleep
and a split second later
your back was to me-
long red scratches down the middle
i was still smiling
but awake

the scent of you lingered
in the curls that fell gently
on my blushing cheeks

we were covered by the sheet
surrounded by flowers and figurines
the headboard creaking lightly
when weight was shifted

you had to leave that morning
and for once
you did not object
you did not insist i come with you
instead you gathered your things
and got into the car...

that was when i knew.

part of me

i am mostly relieved
but part of me is anxious
and unhappy

i wish i could tell you why
i feel this way,
but i cannot
i wish i could tell you that i lied
about last time
i wish i could cry while you hold me
and tell you
about last time
but i feel like you'd hate me
or at least part of me

i wish you were still
part of me.

belief

should I believe you?
I don't know
I don't know

"I often repeat myself
and the second time's a lie
I love you
I love you
see what I mean I don't."